A little list of favourites, updated when I feel like it

• If silence is gold, no wonder women like diamonds…
• That’s not a bug, thats an unexpected feature…
• Additionally, me having four ex wives and many children of a young age, requires me to maintain a very productive work ethic!!! (Taken from a real job application I reviewed today, 10th May 07)

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year…have a laugh and read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words…. A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept….)

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never thought about:

• Can you cry under water?
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
• Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
• Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
• Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
• If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
• Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
• Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
• Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
• Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Several thousand bloggers went for the funny April Fools joke put together by WordPress and textpattern. Have a look at the “scam” site, wordpattern , and see if you’d buy their story…

I really enjoyed reading the part about the “Silver bullet”:

“Our ground breaking, no-nonsense approach of creating a fast and lean CMSMS (CMS management system) is unparalleled and will fulfil the need of every user out there – we won’t be content with anything less.

A pluggable and highly scalable framework architecture with zero-configuration will allow the integration of every CMS on the planet and provide full backward-, forward- and sideways-compatibility to existing solutions.

Wordpattern will bring unlimited, unfettered power to the creator of content and will do so with absolute usability in a unified User Interface that is so intuitive… it will make you cry. Wordpattern shall be highly flexible and require no learning or training time. Extensive multimedia documentation will accompany every release, as will trained emergency support personnel.”

Well isn’t this great or what…

From time to time Windows might do things we didn’t expect and the result may be both frustrating and irritating. Why this happens? Well have a look at the hidden menu recently discovered by one of its users.

As you can see it all happens for a reason…

This menu is of course not REALLY there, but sometimes I keep wondering if it is. My last crash happened less than a week ago, but fortunately I’ve created multiple backups (learning from experience) so I really didn’t lose more than the email I had been typing on the last 15 minutes. Nevertheless this kind of error shouldn’t have happened in the first place, as typing a message in Outlook using plain text isn’t that hard on the computer.